How long before dx did the leukemia come into Samantha’s body we will never know. It could have been there for her entire life and maybe something brought it out. Or it could have just happened when it did. That doesn’t matter now though because we know it is there and we are doing what we need to do to treat it.
I think things started to happen in mid May 2005. I had been having nightmares for several months that involved her getting hit by a car on a highway right in front of me; they were very vivid and horrible. But I soon thought it was something more. One day I was lying with Samantha and she looked at me. I just knew something wasn’t right; it was said in her eyes. I even asked her what was wrong.
About a week later I noticed that she had some bruises on her side and on her bottom when I was getting her dressed. I pointed them out to Russell and asked him about them. They were in a strange place on her body to be just regular 2-yr-old active child bruises. She also seemed more tired that week. Her daycare teachers even commented to me that she seemed not like herself and more tired than usual.
The next weekend was fathers day weekend. Samantha was still tired but now she was starting to run some fevers. They would come and go and never got really high. She was also having accidents when she had been using the potty regularly. This was really odd to me and I felt something bad was wrong. I wanted to take her to the pediatrician that day and Russell must of thought I was nuts. Things just were not right with her, urinating on the floor and saying her legs hurt in her thighs.
Since it was a weekend we went to the office in Towson. We argued about taking her but I wasn’t going to let it go until the next day. She had to go. So off we went. When we got there we were set directly to the lab so that Samantha could have her urine tested for a UTI. What a difficult task for a 2 yr old! It took some candy and tries at various potties but a sample was taken. We then went in to see the dr. He didn’t seem to really care about me telling him that it was very odd for her to have pain in her legs. Russell thought I was over doing it with the leg issue. We were sent home and told to watch her and see her regular pediatrician if there was any issues.
Time progressed and she was still having fevers off and on. Erika had a fever as well but it came and went with no issues. Samantha was also still tired and not being herself. We went on vacation with Russell’s family to the beach. Samantha wasn’t feeling well at all it was totally obvious. She didn’t want to do anything but sleep and hang out in the room. What a horrible time for her. I am still having issues with myself on this. I knew in my heart that something was wrong and we still went so far from home. It is going to take me a while to go to the beach again. Each time I think about it I think that my baby was dying. That is all I can think about it at this point.
Later that week we visited my sister on the way home. Samantha would play with her cousins but she was still tired and complaining about her legs hurting. She was really upset one time about using the potty. So upset that she stopped breathing and passed out. This was not good at all and it made me feel so bad. This happened, as we were getting ready to come home. Things continued to progress with her having fevers and tired. Boscoe our dog was now clued into something being wrong with Samantha. He may not be so bright when it comes to rules but he sure was smart with her. At the time he would sleep in the office with the door closed. We would put him to bed just before we went to sleep. Samantha goes to bed before us so there is time when he is out of his room and her door is open. He never had issues with it but during this time he was right on her bed sleeping with her. It was so strange, I would remove him and he would be right back on her bed with her.
Over the July 4th holiday weekend I was attending a conference in DC and Russell was home with Samantha. I was so worried and was trying to think what was wrong with her. Of course I never wanted to think that it was serious but I think I knew and was denying it. Russell took Samantha to her regular pediatrician while I was at the conference. I was worried and called him to see what was happening. He said that the Dr. had run some blood tests and was going to call us. I am not sure I got the whole conversation because the battery in my phone was dead; it was something about some virus that can cause leg pain. I ate lunch and then borrowed a phone to call. Russell said that there was something wrong with Samantha and he was on his way to the hospital to see the Dr there in the ER. I rushed to the ER to meet up with them.
Once I got to the hospital I was really nervous. I saw that they had given Samantha an IV in her hand/arm and she was not happy with that. It didn’t look right and was all swollen. She was munching on some chips and apple juice. I tried to talk to Russell about what was happening but I was really nervous and not sure at all. He said that she was anemic and was sent there; at least that is what I remember. I went out to the desk to see if they can come and talk to us. I should of known something was up by the looks on their faces. Kind of scared, kind of pity like. The Dr came in and said that he thought it was a virus and not Leukemia. What leukemia? Who said anything about leukemia? He said he was still waiting for tests to come back. I was so upset. All I knew about leukemia was that kids die from it. I had to get out of there. I know, horrible mom. I went outside to catch my breath and call my mom. I needed her and to tell her what was going on. I also called Russell’s parents because I needed them as well. After calming down a bit and getting myself somewhat together I came back in. The Dr was ready to talk to us then. He said that they had found 8 blasts in her blood sample and were sending it to Hopkins to get their opinion and we should follow up with them. I was wondering what he meant. He assured me that he still thought it was a virus and to let them take a look at it. I asked him how the follow up would work. Like, would I take her there tomorrow or whatnot. He then told us that there was an ambulance on its way to take us. She had to go on the ambulance and not have us drive her. This was very upsetting.
The ambulance crew came and Russell and Samantha went with them. Erika and I went home to pack a bag and let the dog out since it was getting late. Once at home I was so upset I didn’t know what to do. I needed to call my mom and get stuff together. I didn’t know what to bring so I had to call and ask her. I took Erika over to the neighbors for a little while so I could get some things done. I was home for like an hour and then was ready to go to Hopkins. It was dark and I had never been to Hopkins. I tried to follow the directions but got really lost. I pulled over at Camden Yards and asked the security guard where to go. He told me it was easy. To this day I have no idea how I got there. I just remember following around and turning until I saw the garage. I went in and found the children’s ER. Samantha was there and her iv was fixed. They took more blood samples and were hydrating her. She was tired but was watching a movie anyway. We were waiting for the test results. A while later, by this point I have lost all sense of time but I think it was the middle of the night, a couple of Drs came and took us to the conference room. It was then, we were told that Samantha had cancer - leukemia. She was being admitted for tests and treatment. At that point he went on and on but I didn’t hear a word. Once he was done he asked if we had any questions and I said that I was sorry but I didn’t hear anything he said at all past the leukemia part. This happened a few times to me that first couple of weeks. Once we were done in the room we went back to Samantha. They were almost ready for her to go and get a chest x-ray. Erika and I waited in the hall for them to get back. Then we went to the oncology floor.
Jolene